Worst Nightmare
by Yellowwolf
Summary: Takes place after 'Scare', season 4. People died because of me, Clark … again. I’m trying so hard to fight my destiny but I’m fighting a losing battle.


**Disclaimer:** I'd say it's quite obvious that I don't own them.

**Author's note:** For Jonni.

**Summary:** Takes place after 'Scare' (season 4, episode 10). A lab at LuthorCorp blew up, releasing a poison that made people hallucinate and proved to be deathly. In this little one-shot, Lex thinks about his hallucination, Clark comes to visit and they have a chat.

**Worst Nightmare**

Lex sat behind his desk, staring into space. Yet again he had killed people, not intentionally but he was responsible. Yet again he had proven to everyone that he was a danger. He didn't want to be but it just happened. Fighting his destiny was becoming harder and harder. He could feel himself become darker. The only thing battling it was not his inner self, but Clark. Clark's presence kept the darkness at bay, at least for a little while. He knew Clark didn't trust him. He knew his friend had every reason not to. He couldn't help but wonder how long it would take before he screwed up again. He dreaded the day that their friendship would come to an end because when that happened, he would be truly alone. When he was alone, he would not be able to fight his demons any longer.

His hallucination had shaken him to his very core. He'd seen himself destroy the world. Was that his destiny? Was he going to be somehow responsible for the destruction of earth? Perhaps it would've been better if the cure had killed him. Perhaps then the world would finally be save. It was a foolish thought. His death was the easy solution. He had to prove he could fight his destiny. He just had to.

He got up to pour himself a glass of his finest whiskey and just looked at it. How easy would it be to drink himself to his death? How easy would it be to take some pills and mix them with the alcohol? Stepping out of life would mean he'd finally be free from his father. Even while in prison, Lex could still feel his father pulling the strings. He could still feel him control everything like the world was his own personal puppet game. He drank down the whiskey at once and poured himself another glass.

A quiet knock on the door stopped him from gulping it down. Clark entered the room. Lex watched him, could see Clark's innocence, could see the pureness. But this time it was not enough to chase away his demons. He drank down the whiskey anyway.

"Hi. I came to see how you're doing."

Lex gulped down a third glass of whiskey before answering. "Just great. How is everyone?"

"All recovered, thanks to the cure." Clark said smiling but his smile betrayed his worry.

"I'll drink to that." He poured himself another glass and gulped it down.

"Lex, perhaps you should stop drinking."

"Perhaps I should." Lex agreed but he made no move to put away the glass. On the contrary, he poured himself a fifth glass of whiskey but before he could drink, it was taken out of his hand.

Lex pouted slightly, a clear sign that the alcohol was getting to his head. Four glasses of whiskey on an empty stomach didn't quite agree with him.

Clark guided him to the couch and pretty much pushed him down. Clark sat down next to him.

"What's wrong?"

"I wish that cure had killed me." Lex said bluntly, briefly closing his eyes against the slightly spinning world.

"What?" Clark clearly sounded shocked. Lex turned his head to look at him. The expression of shock and panic was the most funny thing he had ever seen. He couldn't help but laugh.

"You should see your face."

"Lex, this isn't even funny. What's going on?"

"The world would be a better place without me."

"That's insane! You tested that cure on yourself, knowing it could kill you. You saved a lot of people!" Clark said, glaring a bit.

"After putting them all in danger. People died because of me, Clark … again. I'm trying so hard to fight my destiny but I'm fighting a losing battle. Everything I do, backfires. I try to help people, I end up nearly killing them. My curiosity nearly cost me your friendship. I can't win, Clark. I really can't. I just feel this darkness brewing inside of me. I feel it's there, waiting to break free." He was feeling depressed and he could feel a headache coming up. It started behind his left eye and made it sting unpleasantly as if someone had just punched him. He rubbed his eye, trying to force the headache back but it didn't work any. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly but that did nothing to ease the headache either. He sighed annoyed.

"Lex … I don't really know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. There's nothing that can be said. Look, Clark, I don't think I'm the best company tonight. I think you should go home." The idea of being alone was not all that appealing but the thought of Clark staying with him wasn't either. All he wanted to do was get drunk.

"I'm not leaving you like this, Lex."

Lex laughed, "Clark, your desire to protect people from themselves is admirable and foolish. You can't save everyone. Sometimes you have to let go."

"Now hang on a second, Lex, I'm not giving up on you!" Clark said, voice slightly raised, "You were the one fighting for this friendship a few weeks ago. If I have to, I will do the same this time. I've seen the good you can do, I've seen the good things you have made happen. Everyone makes mistakes."

"Yeah, it's just that my mistakes usually end up killing people. My mistakes are not just mistakes, they're failures and dangerous ones at that."

"Lex, you can't do this to yourself. This guilt trip isn't helping you any. Tomorrow things will be a whole lot better."

Lex laughed humorlessly, "Yeah, tomorrow I have to talk to the families of the people I killed this time." He got up to pour himself another drink. This time he wasn't stopped by Clark. While he drank his drink, he watched Clark who was in return studying him. He knew Clark didn't trust him and yet the other boy was here, refusing to give up on their friendship, telling him it would all be okay.

He didn't know what he had done to have a friend like Clark. The kid seemed to be his personal guardian angel. He was always there to save him, he was always there for him. And what did Lex do? He lied and kept secrets. The thought brought tears to his eyes. This friendship wasn't fair on Clark. He should've let go, it would've been the best for Clark.

"Lex, you _are_ a good person. Why can't you just see that?"

"Because I'm not." It was a simple fact. He smiled sadly and looked down at his empty glass. He put it down. Getting drunk wasn't the answer after all. There was no answer to his problems. He returned to sitting next to Clark.

"Sometimes I really wish the car crash would've killed me. Sometimes I think everyone is better of without me but then there are people, like you, who convince me that my life is worth something, that I can do good and I believe that. At least for a while, until I do something that makes me realize once more what a danger I actually am. You know what the saddest part is? I don't _want_ to do bad things, it just always happens. It always makes me realize that my destiny has already been laid out for me. Do you believe in destiny, Clark? Do you believe that there's someone, _something_ controlling you?" He asked, looking over at the other boy who looked very troubled all of a sudden as if he was fighting off his own demons, his own memories. He didn't bother asking what that look meant, Clark never told him. Didn't trust him, never had.

"I don't know, Lex. It could be that there's a path laid out for you, that you're destined for something but I do believe it's not too late to change it. Every decisions brings you either closer to the path or leads you to another one."

"Yeah, it's just too bad you don't see the bigger picture until it's too late, until you've gone so far down the path that you can't go back. I think it's too late for me, Clark."

"It's never too late." Clark disagreed quietly, looking at him with so much concern in his eyes that Lex had to look away before he got tears in his eyes again. He closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the couch. He felt so tired all of a sudden. He could feel his mind shutting down. He could feel himself being pulled down in sleep.

"I'll help you fight your demons," Came Clark's voice from far away, "for as long as you'll let me."

Clark's voice disappeared completely and he lost his grasp on reality. The demons he had been trying to fight came back in full force. The hallucination was back, more vivid, more real than before. He was standing in the middle of the graveyard. He looked around, seeing nothing more than death and destruction. A small evil smile came to his lips. He watched the sky as it went from black to red, dark red, the color of blood. He felt good, his destiny had been fulfilled.

The scene changed, he was in a barn, one he recognized all too well. The smell of burned wood reached his nose. The far end of it was on fire. He squinted against the smoke. He saw people moving. Clark appeared first, holding Lana in his arms. Her eyes were open but she did not see. Blood was running down the side of Clark's face. Then Mrs. Kent and Chloe appeared, supporting Mr. Kent who was dragging his leg uselessly behind him. The two women were not better off. Chloe held her free arm tightly against her body and her clothes were torn. Mrs. Kent's clothes were covered in blood. Lex did not know where it came from.

"Clark-"

"This is all your fault, Lex. It's your fault that Lana's dead."

Lex shook his head in denial. "I never meant to hurt any of you."

"But you did. You'll kill us all." Chloe spoke. Tears sparkled in her eyes.

"No!" He yelled. He was caught in a whirlwind, the world started spinning. The barn disappeared and he was once more in the graveyard.

Rain drops fell, only it wasn't real rain. It was blood. He looked up at the sky, seeing the red drops fall rapidly. Lana's blood, Clark's blood, innocent people's blood.

"No," he whispered. He heard a loud explosion, more blood spilled, more rain. He fell on his knees, heard the breaking of bones under the sudden weight coming down. An arm, a leg, he didn't know. Women, men, children alike. He had killed them, had even killed his friends. He had killed them all. Another explosion. He heard screaming, thunder rumbled, lighting struck. Blood fell down harder.

He stared up at the sky once more. Even the clouds had turned red. "No!" he yelled. Blood fell in his mouth, even in his nose. The smell, the coppery taste, it was horrible. He started retching.

Lex's eyes flew open and he sat up in bed, hand going to his throat. The taste of blood … it was still there. Light was streaming into the room through cracks in the curtain. It was morning. It had only been a nightmare. He threw off the blanket, his body was entirely covered in sweat, his breathing fast and shallow. He swallowed, the coppery taste was gone. He wished he could say the same for the nightmare. It was still very much there.

"Lex?" he heard a sleepy voice. He turned his head to the right. Clark seemed to have fallen asleep in the most comfortable chair in the room. The other boy sleepily blinked at him and sat up straight, rubbing his eyes. His clothes were wrinkled and his hair was a mess.

"Clark? What are you doing here?" His voice sounded shaky and weak. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and sat up. Even his legs seemed to be trembling.

"I'm keeping an eye on you."

"I don't need a baby-sitter, Clark." Lex shot back, slightly annoyed. He was six years older than the other boy, damn it. Clark should not be looking out for him. If anything, it should be the other way around.

"I know you don't."

"Yet you stayed." Lex said, eyebrow rising.

"Because I care, Lex. Good thing too, you were having some pretty bad nightmares. I tried to calm you down a few times but it never lasted long. Do you remember any of it?"

"No," Lex lied smoothly, "No, I don't."

Clark rested his elbows on his knees and leaned forward slightly, studying him.

"You seem shaken up though."

There was no point in denying that. "I am but I don't remember. Quite annoying. It would be good if I knew why I was freaked out." He said with a small smile. Clark seemed to find that a good enough answer and relaxed back into his chair.

Lex got up and walked to his closet. He searched out some clothes that would fit Clark. "Why don't you go take a shower? You can borrow some clothes of mine." He held out the clothes for Clark to take. The younger boy nodded his agreement.

"I'll be quick." Clark said, smiling.

"Take your time." Lex said, returning the smile but only half-heartedly.

As soon as Clark had gone, Lex sat back down on the bed, rubbing his hands over his face. Was that really what life held for him? Would he really hurt his friends, the people who had ever bothered to look past the name and get to know him for who he was. He could feel it though, he was becoming more like his father than he cared to admit.

He stood back, pushed away the curtains from the window and stared outside. The sun shone brightly. There was not one cloud in sight. The world looked peaceful now. A bird flew through the sky. He smiled. The nightmare, the hallucination, it had not meant anything. He _could_ change who he was, regardless of the darkness inside of him. As long as there was light, darkness would not stand a chance.

**The End**

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